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Non Compos Mentis

by Neil Heaton

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1.
These Times 05:07
I think I'm running out Nothing to complain about now What am I holding back Started with a heart attack now I know it seems like days only shine when you look back Some advice, if I may It's poisonous to think like that I'd climb all the way If only I could find i know you'll never forget these times Though I will never remind Thought maybe I could see you Just once in awhile Then you took all control Gave me a reason to smile I know it seems like days only shine when you look back Some advice, if I may It's poisonous to think like that I'd climb all the way If only I could find i know you'll never forget these times Though I will never remind All in due time Or minutes too late I really tried Always to relate Chances I got Put me in my place Had it all wrong Shove it in my face Why does it never last Life was always better in the past And now I'm telling you You never listen when I do I know it seems like days only shine when you look back Some advice, if I may It's poisonous to think like that I'd climb all the way If only I could find i know you'll never forget these times Though I will never remind
2.
Photo Albums 03:55
Can I just say that I miss you and Leave it at that Couldn't say how it hit me I just feel bad And I don't ever wanna say it if it isn't the truth So I guess I'll keep my mouth shut Favor to you We all want different outcomes But I look through photo albums I'm never gonna figure out how We go from then to now You did some things you never thought you'd do But you didn't really choose to Don't worry, nobody knows how We go from then to now Can I just say I'll ask the questions And leave it at that Don't know my hang-ups or resentments Well you should feel glad And I don't ever wanna see you try to kick in the door Yeah, I got a couple reasons I don't need more We all want different outcomes But I look through photo albums I'm never gonna figure out how We go from then to now You did some things you never thought you'd do But you didn't really choose to Don't worry, nobody knows how We go from then to now We go from then to now And I always said I wouldn't lose myself I'll be the person in the pictures And I make it hard Don't draw comparisons You know I'll only disappoint you
3.
Healthy Fear 03:41
There's a wall that you can't see over There's a room but you can't get in And of course I hold the key Don't look to me To save the day later All this to say that I'm letting you know I'm some place you don't wanna go Before you can say it can't be that bad Don't wanna make you sad But you don't have a clue You wanna be my friend Saying I already fell for you There's no way in the world this ends well for you So when the story ends You can't say I didn't tell you You can't say I didn't make it clear This is what I call A healthy fear To tell the truth I'd say I helped you But I don't know if I'm seeing things wrong Guess I'd rather be safe than sorry Your happiness is all I seek So I'm calling a stop You wanna be my friend Saying I already fell for you There's no way in the world this ends well for you So when the story ends You can't say I didn't tell you You can't say I didn't make it clear You can't say I didn't make it clear This is what I call (I can promise you you won't survive) (There's a pattern I can see coming You wanna be running By the time that it gets here)
4.
No use holding on when it hurts this bad I think I'd rather fall If someone told me I could be a different man I wouldn't care at all You can call me pessimistic But I think I'm right So tell me Do you remember Who I was Just the other night Because Everything's in my head I just wanna be happy like I was back then You should know I tried my best to never get in the way Now all your flowers are dead And I remember all that I said You should know I don't ever wanna say it again Release the strain and give it all to me Can you see why It makes me feel at home At least the rain makes it harder to see it when you cry It's difficult to know You could say I'm quick to dismiss it The seeds I've never sown But tell me Do you remember Who I was Before that bird had flown Can barely believe I'm dreaming It's a double-edged sword Lately things have been seeming strange I'm not like that anymore Could it be that I've changed so much We can no longer even talk Lesson learned Go quick, but don't rush Don't try to run before you even walk You can call me pessimistic But I think I'm right So tell me Do you remember Who I was Just the other night You can call me anything you like
5.
Late Stage 04:38
Take me back When you were still here No idea you were leaving Come to think of it was early last year I could still go on believing I think of all the times I could have said just what I mean But I wasn't who I needed to be How can I be with you and feel I'm somewhere else As if you couldn't tell that already Ain't it funny how the time slips away I thought it would last forever We could see each other just a minute each day But count on me to write a letter I think of all the times I could have said just what I mean But I wasn't who I needed to be Standing next to you and still the moment isn't right I guess it's not the night, now is it Now we go through life With a cloud overhead Words have been said all about you So sick of hearing that it has to make sense There's none to be found when we're without you I'll see you later tonight I'll see you in your light I think of all the times I could have said just what I mean But I wasn't who I needed to be How can I be with you and feel I'm somewhere else As if you couldn't tell that already I think of all the times I could have said just what I mean But I wasn't who I needed to be All sorts of feelings but I never let them show I just thought you should know that about me
6.
7.
Toy Factory 01:49
8.
I ask you if you wanna come over But I don't wanna be seen Maybe you're the star of the show here We're always on the same team I can't stand it My heart begins to race And my mind's demanding I get out of this place I can't stand it My heart begins to race and I say that it's okay to think this way But I don't feel the same I wonder have you learned to hide your shame Or did you push it away I can't stand it My blood begins to heat And my mind's demanding That I don't admit defeat I can't stand it My blood begins to heat And it doesn't look like it's gonna stop But I know if I keep on breathing You can't ever ruin my peace I've been through this before But still I'm on my feet Yeah I'm flawed But there's nothing I need Try and try to be there but you always manage not to But who am I to talk of what you do or ought to And I found out today I'll always love the thought of you And when you make mistakes be thankful that they follow you I can't stand it My heart begins to race And my mind's demanding I get out of this place I can't stand it My heart begins to race And it doesn't look like it's gonna stop But I know if I keep on breathing You can't ever ruin my peace I've been through this before But still I'm on my feet Yeah I'm flawed But there's nothing I need Yeah I'm flawed But there's nothing I need
9.
With A Smile 06:46
What do you consider too much time To draw the line with me Couldn't blame you for a change of mind It's overdue I can see Please just listen People do change So will I if you stay What do you consider too much to take And have you had it with me Because my feelings would be too hard to fake I just hope you agree Come on darling People do change So will I if you stay Tell me your decision already I'm no letdown But you can still wonder what the deal is I promised you from the start I'm no letdown But you can still wonder (I'm okay now Not the type to let you down Here's an open door Talking everything and more I'm okay now Not the type to let you down) What do you consider what you deserve Why not cut ties and leave Someone else can give you more than just words Take a minute, just think Please just listen People can change So can I if you stay Tell me your decision already I'm no letdown But you can still wonder what the deal is I promised you from the start I'm no letdown But you can still wonder (I'm okay now Not the type to let you down Here's an open door Talking everything and more I'm okay now Not the type to let you down) What do you consider too much time To draw the line with me What's your position relative to mine Had enough time to speak
10.
If I could convince you I'm worth the time Maybe I could get on board with that I need you to be first in line To be honest with you I don't know what to look for But I could stare all day Talk to potential candidates But which one says it all So much pressure Just make up your mind Maybe in a different life I'd find I don't have to worry Finally recognize what I just can't believe Maybe on another try I'd find I shouldn't be sorry Maybe perfection only matters to me What difference would it make Do your thoughts all translate Is it always tomorrow Self-imposed I gave you a break And now you owe me one No problem Why don't you show me one You see it never stops I try everything What does it take Maybe in a different life I'd find I don't have to worry Finally recognize what I just can't believe Maybe on another try I'd find I shouldn't be sorry Maybe perfection only matters to me How many hours do I have to spend Do I really feel better when I talk with a friend I'm not missing the point, since I was a boy I tried to find a way to make it end I know it helps to let it all out But I'm dying to tell you I have serious doubts There's anything about me you could ever really change I can't turn the page (Do you have to spend Caught in a web Help me get out Never be able)
11.
Memoriam 04:09
I'm closer than I think to being a memory I'm standing on the brink but I'm still around All the time I spend alive I know I cannot be Guess I'm not going down in the first round I recently decided It's okay to be excited For all the things I know that Life has in store For you We're closer than we think to one another I don't mean to sink into the past How could I have tempted fate so many times You don't need to die young to live fast I recently decided It's okay to be excited For all the things I know that Life has in store For you (Closer than we think) For you I'm closer than I think to crossing your mind That's all I'd ever do to make you smile Who would ever know what's left behind I need to take my mind off it for awhile I recently decided It's okay to be excited For all the things I know that Life has in store For you For you
12.
By My Side 05:20
Oh What can I say dear I think I woulda died Along the way But you held my hand Oh What can I say dear With you by my side Along the way I can always withstand Never found a way to fill me up And I'd never ask you to They say this too shall pass What if this really lasts Oh What can I say dear I think I woulda died Along the way If not for you Oh What can I say dear I'll do anything Along the way If it's all for you Never found a way to fill me up And I'd never ask you to They say this too shall pass What if this really lasts
13.
How can I say I don't think you were being selfish I understand How could you have changed You did everything you could think of To no avail But I know what you were really doing I know all about the pain If only there was some kind of way I could let you know That I relate to you Through more than just blood Flowing out of the billions Too sad to even cry I saw a flood Of happy feelings When did the river run dry Is it too much To ask where it came from This shallow look in my eyes I know I'll see you When the day comes I hope it's beautiful Free from time Parts of us are the same I've already burned more bridges than most people ever build We share more than a name But I wouldn't wanna surprise you if the time was wrong Now there's no chance at all But I sit around and wait here While you're gone But I know what you were really doing I know all about the pain If only there was some kind of way I could let you know That I relate to you Through more than just blood Flowing out of the billions Too sad to even cry I saw a flood Of happy feelings When did the river run dry Is it too much To ask where it came from This shallow look in my eyes I know I'll see you When the day comes I hope it's beautiful Free from time
14.
After All 07:37
It's nobody's problem You could say it belongs to me Everybody's got one I can deal with two or three And I know I'm making you so worried Well I'm not ready yet to change I can't let it bother me now Don't know how to say this I got lost somewhere along the way And all I'm saying is I ain't gonna waste a single day And I know I'm making you so worried Wish I could promise I'm here to stay I can't tell a lie to you now Did you try to tell me what's going on I can find my way back home I just don't know where I've gone Can you be the shoulder I cry on Though it's taken me so long I did it on purpose I'm in control and I feel at home If there's a lesson I'm learning it Could've been normal but I'll never know And I know I'm making you so worried Well I've been feeling so alone Tell me I should let my guard down Did you try to tell me what's going on I can find my way back home I just don't know where I've gone Can you be the shoulder I cry on Though it's taken me so long It's such a bitter pill to swallow You don't wanna see me hurt myself All of these rules I follow What good am I if I can't even tell When I've broken the first one I keep a good safe distance Wish I had more of what you need I could move on but I'd miss it In the way of who I could be And I'm worried all the good you see in me Means nothing after all So easy to let it all go Did you try to tell me what's going on I can find my way back home I just don't know where I've gone Can you be the shoulder I cry on Though it's taken me so long

about

Writing and recording this album has been my main priority over the past year. My hope is for these songs to capture some relatable feelings.

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released March 30, 2017

Written & Performed by Neil Heaton
Mastered by Alexander Cherney

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Neil Heaton Davis, California

Pianist from Davis, California

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