Non Compos Mentis

by Neil Heaton

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03:55
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04:38
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07:37

about

Writing and recording this album has been my main priority over the past year. My hope is for these songs to capture some relatable feelings.

credits

released March 30, 2017

Written & Performed by Neil Heaton
Mastered by Alexander Cherney

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all rights reserved

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Neil Heaton Davis, California

Pianist from Davis, California

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Track Name: These Times
I think I'm running out
Nothing to complain about now
What am I holding back
Started with a heart attack now

I know it seems like days only shine when you look back
Some advice, if I may
It's poisonous to think like that
I'd climb all the way
If only I could find
i know you'll never forget these times
Though I will never remind

Thought maybe I could see you
Just once in awhile
Then you took all control
Gave me a reason to smile

I know it seems like days only shine when you look back
Some advice, if I may
It's poisonous to think like that
I'd climb all the way
If only I could find
i know you'll never forget these times
Though I will never remind

All in due time
Or minutes too late
I really tried
Always to relate
Chances I got
Put me in my place
Had it all wrong
Shove it in my face

Why does it never last
Life was always better in the past
And now I'm telling you
You never listen when I do

I know it seems like days only shine when you look back
Some advice, if I may
It's poisonous to think like that
I'd climb all the way
If only I could find
i know you'll never forget these times
Though I will never remind
Track Name: Photo Albums
Can I just say that I miss you and
Leave it at that
Couldn't say how it hit me
I just feel bad
And I don't ever wanna say it if it isn't the truth
So I guess I'll keep my mouth shut
Favor to you

We all want different outcomes
But I look through photo albums
I'm never gonna figure out how
We go from then to now
You did some things you never thought you'd do
But you didn't really choose to
Don't worry, nobody knows how
We go from then to now

Can I just say I'll ask the questions
And leave it at that
Don't know my hang-ups or resentments
Well you should feel glad
And I don't ever wanna see you try to kick in the door
Yeah, I got a couple reasons
I don't need more

We all want different outcomes
But I look through photo albums
I'm never gonna figure out how
We go from then to now
You did some things you never thought you'd do
But you didn't really choose to
Don't worry, nobody knows how
We go from then to now
We go from then to now

And I always said
I wouldn't lose myself
I'll be the person in the pictures
And I make it hard
Don't draw comparisons
You know I'll only disappoint you
Track Name: Healthy Fear
There's a wall that you can't see over
There's a room but you can't get in
And of course I hold the key
Don't look to me
To save the day later

All this to say that I'm letting you know
I'm some place you don't wanna go
Before you can say it can't be that bad
Don't wanna make you sad
But you don't have a clue

You wanna be my friend
Saying I already fell for you
There's no way in the world this ends well for you
So when the story ends
You can't say I didn't tell you
You can't say I didn't make it clear
This is what I call
A healthy fear

To tell the truth I'd say I helped you
But I don't know if I'm seeing things wrong
Guess I'd rather be safe than sorry
Your happiness is all I seek
So I'm calling a stop

You wanna be my friend
Saying I already fell for you
There's no way in the world this ends well for you
So when the story ends
You can't say I didn't tell you
You can't say I didn't make it clear
You can't say I didn't make it clear

This is what I call

(I can promise you you won't survive)

(There's a pattern I can see coming
You wanna be running
By the time that it gets here)
Track Name: Just The Other Night
No use holding on when it hurts this bad
I think I'd rather fall
If someone told me I could be a different man
I wouldn't care at all

You can call me pessimistic
But I think I'm right
So tell me
Do you remember
Who I was
Just the other night

Because
Everything's in my head
I just wanna be happy like I was back then
You should know I tried my best to never get in the way

Now all your flowers are dead
And I remember all that I said
You should know I don't ever wanna say it again

Release the strain and give it all to me
Can you see why
It makes me feel at home
At least the rain makes it harder to see it when you cry
It's difficult to know

You could say I'm quick to dismiss it
The seeds I've never sown
But tell me
Do you remember
Who I was
Before that bird had flown

Can barely believe I'm dreaming
It's a double-edged sword
Lately things have been seeming strange
I'm not like that anymore

Could it be that I've changed so much
We can no longer even talk
Lesson learned
Go quick, but don't rush
Don't try to run before you even walk

You can call me pessimistic
But I think I'm right
So tell me
Do you remember
Who I was
Just the other night

You can call me anything you like
Track Name: Late Stage
Take me back
When you were still here
No idea you were leaving
Come to think of it was early last year
I could still go on believing

I think of all the times I could have said just what I mean
But I wasn't who I needed to be
How can I be with you and feel I'm somewhere else
As if you couldn't tell that already

Ain't it funny how the time slips away
I thought it would last forever
We could see each other just a minute each day
But count on me to write a letter

I think of all the times I could have said just what I mean
But I wasn't who I needed to be
Standing next to you and still the moment isn't right
I guess it's not the night, now is it

Now we go through life
With a cloud overhead
Words have been said all about you
So sick of hearing that it has to make sense
There's none to be found when we're without you

I'll see you later tonight
I'll see you in your light

I think of all the times I could have said just what I mean
But I wasn't who I needed to be
How can I be with you and feel I'm somewhere else
As if you couldn't tell that already
I think of all the times I could have said just what I mean
But I wasn't who I needed to be
All sorts of feelings but I never let them show
I just thought you should know that about me
Track Name: Nothing I Need
I ask you if you wanna come over
But I don't wanna be seen
Maybe you're the star of the show here
We're always on the same team

I can't stand it
My heart begins to race
And my mind's demanding
I get out of this place
I can't stand it
My heart begins to race and

I say that it's okay to think this way
But I don't feel the same
I wonder have you learned to hide your shame
Or did you push it away

I can't stand it
My blood begins to heat
And my mind's demanding
That I don't admit defeat
I can't stand it
My blood begins to heat
And it doesn't look like it's gonna stop

But I know if I keep on breathing
You can't ever ruin my peace
I've been through this before
But still I'm on my feet

Yeah I'm flawed
But there's nothing I need

Try and try to be there but you always manage not to
But who am I to talk of what you do or ought to
And I found out today I'll always love the thought of you
And when you make mistakes be thankful that they follow you

I can't stand it
My heart begins to race
And my mind's demanding
I get out of this place
I can't stand it
My heart begins to race
And it doesn't look like it's gonna stop

But I know if I keep on breathing
You can't ever ruin my peace
I've been through this before
But still I'm on my feet

Yeah I'm flawed
But there's nothing I need

Yeah I'm flawed
But there's nothing I need
Track Name: With A Smile
What do you consider too much time
To draw the line with me
Couldn't blame you for a change of mind
It's overdue I can see

Please just listen
People do change
So will I if you stay

What do you consider too much to take
And have you had it with me
Because my feelings would be too hard to fake
I just hope you agree

Come on darling
People do change
So will I if you stay

Tell me your decision already

I'm no letdown
But you can still wonder what the deal is
I promised you from the start
I'm no letdown
But you can still wonder

(I'm okay now
Not the type to let you down
Here's an open door
Talking everything and more
I'm okay now
Not the type to let you down)

What do you consider what you deserve
Why not cut ties and leave
Someone else can give you more than just words
Take a minute, just think

Please just listen
People can change
So can I if you stay

Tell me your decision already

I'm no letdown
But you can still wonder what the deal is
I promised you from the start
I'm no letdown
But you can still wonder

(I'm okay now
Not the type to let you down
Here's an open door
Talking everything and more
I'm okay now
Not the type to let you down)

What do you consider too much time
To draw the line with me
What's your position relative to mine
Had enough time to speak
Track Name: Serious Doubts
If I could convince you I'm worth the time
Maybe I could get on board with that
I need you to be first in line
To be honest with you
I don't know what to look for
But I could stare all day
Talk to potential candidates
But which one says it all
So much pressure
Just make up your mind

Maybe in a different life I'd find
I don't have to worry
Finally recognize what I just can't believe
Maybe on another try I'd find
I shouldn't be sorry
Maybe perfection only matters to me

What difference would it make
Do your thoughts all translate
Is it always tomorrow
Self-imposed
I gave you a break
And now you owe me one
No problem
Why don't you show me one
You see it never stops
I try everything
What does it take

Maybe in a different life I'd find
I don't have to worry
Finally recognize what I just can't believe
Maybe on another try I'd find
I shouldn't be sorry
Maybe perfection only matters to me

How many hours do I have to spend
Do I really feel better when I talk with a friend
I'm not missing the point, since I was a boy
I tried to find a way to make it end
I know it helps to let it all out
But I'm dying to tell you I have serious doubts
There's anything about me you could ever really change
I can't turn the page

(Do you have to spend
Caught in a web
Help me get out
Never be able)
Track Name: Memoriam
I'm closer than I think to being a memory
I'm standing on the brink but I'm still around
All the time I spend alive
I know I cannot be
Guess I'm not going down in the first round

I recently decided
It's okay to be excited
For all the things
I know that
Life has in store
For you

We're closer than we think to one another
I don't mean to sink into the past
How could I have tempted fate so many times
You don't need to die young to live fast

I recently decided
It's okay to be excited
For all the things
I know that
Life has in store
For you

(Closer than we think)

For you

I'm closer than I think to crossing your mind
That's all I'd ever do to make you smile
Who would ever know what's left behind
I need to take my mind off it for awhile

I recently decided
It's okay to be excited
For all the things
I know that
Life has in store
For you
For you
Track Name: By My Side
Oh
What can I say dear
I think I woulda died
Along the way
But you held my hand

Oh
What can I say dear
With you by my side
Along the way
I can always withstand

Never found a way to fill me up
And I'd never ask you to
They say this too shall pass
What if this really lasts

Oh
What can I say dear
I think I woulda died
Along the way
If not for you

Oh
What can I say dear
I'll do anything
Along the way
If it's all for you

Never found a way to fill me up
And I'd never ask you to
They say this too shall pass
What if this really lasts
Track Name: Where It Came From
How can I say
I don't think you were being selfish
I understand

How could you have changed
You did everything you could think of
To no avail

But I know what you were really doing
I know all about the pain
If only there was some kind of way
I could let you know
That I relate to you

Through more than just blood
Flowing out of the billions
Too sad to even cry
I saw a flood
Of happy feelings
When did the river run dry

Is it too much
To ask where it came from
This shallow look in my eyes
I know I'll see you
When the day comes
I hope it's beautiful
Free from time

Parts of us are the same
I've already burned more bridges than most people ever build
We share more than a name
But I wouldn't wanna surprise you if the time was wrong

Now there's no chance at all
But I sit around and wait here
While you're gone

But I know what you were really doing
I know all about the pain
If only there was some kind of way
I could let you know
That I relate to you

Through more than just blood
Flowing out of the billions
Too sad to even cry
I saw a flood
Of happy feelings
When did the river run dry

Is it too much
To ask where it came from
This shallow look in my eyes
I know I'll see you
When the day comes
I hope it's beautiful
Free from time
Track Name: After All
It's nobody's problem
You could say it belongs to me
Everybody's got one
I can deal with two or three
And I know I'm making you so worried
Well I'm not ready yet to change
I can't let it bother me now

Don't know how to say this
I got lost somewhere along the way
And all I'm saying is
I ain't gonna waste a single day
And I know I'm making you so worried
Wish I could promise I'm here to stay
I can't tell a lie to you now

Did you try to tell me what's going on
I can find my way back home
I just don't know where I've gone

Can you be the shoulder I cry on
Though it's taken me so long

I did it on purpose
I'm in control and I feel at home
If there's a lesson I'm learning it
Could've been normal but I'll never know
And I know I'm making you so worried
Well I've been feeling so alone
Tell me I should let my guard down

Did you try to tell me what's going on
I can find my way back home
I just don't know where I've gone

Can you be the shoulder I cry on
Though it's taken me so long

It's such a bitter pill to swallow
You don't wanna see me hurt myself
All of these rules I follow
What good am I if I can't even tell
When I've broken the first one

I keep a good safe distance
Wish I had more of what you need
I could move on but I'd miss it
In the way of who I could be
And I'm worried all the good you see in me
Means nothing after all
So easy to let it all go

Did you try to tell me what's going on
I can find my way back home
I just don't know where I've gone

Can you be the shoulder I cry on
Though it's taken me so long